Dr John Bowlby was a very influential British born psychoanalyst and he developed his evolutionary Attachment Theory during the 50s and 60s. He has helped the world to understand how babies attach to their caregiver. The human species has developed an elaborate way to care for our young called “alloparenting” where it’s not just the mother who cares for the baby, it can be a number of different, selected caregivers (e.g. father, grandparent, aunt, uncle, sibling, or other older person). Human infants are capable of making attachments to more than one figure, however it’s the nature of that attachment which actually shapes how that child develops and grows into adulthood.
The way in which caregivers attune to the baby will actually shape how the infant’s brain and nervous system develops. If the caregivers are attuned to the infant’s needs, the infant will develop self-regulatory capacities (a healthy way to think, feel, say, and do) as attunement shapes the way brain neurons fire “in the moment.” As this repeats itself throughout development, the shaping will become structural and that’s called “Neuroplasticity” which is the way we learn and remember. An ultimate consequence is that our life stories are influenced by these layers of memory and that is the way experience becomes embedded in our nervous system. Healthy attunement, which is another way to say that the young one has their needs met; ensures that they feel seen, safe, soothed and secure which is how we grow into healthy adults.
When the infant and child’s experience is one of not getting their needs met—and worse—involves any type of abuse, the consequences beset on the child and grown adult are significant. This is called developmental trauma and can involve but is not limited to:
excessive worry;
manipulating other people to try to hold onto them;
difficulties with emotional and/or physical intimacy;
alternating between excessive clinginess to outright rejection of others;
being emotionally unavailable in relationships;
suppressing or denying emotions due to having them suppressed as a child;
an inability to speak to others about how they are feeling or what they think;
and avoiding social and/or romantic relationships altogether.
As we were all born for connection, we’re talking about serious suffering. The good news is that with professional help this can be healed. Dr Dan Siegel is a Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine and the founding co-director of the Mindful Awareness Research Center at UCLA. He has extensive research into Attachment Theory and Much of my work is based on his extensive studies.
Attachment Therapy is a significant and very rewarding part of my work as a psychotherapist.